Hi All. I feel like DD #20 should be the last diary entry that I post on the blog, for various personal reasons. Enjoy. We had a good run. ~BV
4-4-08
Dear Diary,
Today I wished to listen to my first favorite Bob Seger song, "Still The Same", on my second favorite Bob Seger record, "Stranger In Town". I glided into the dining room and soon found myself standing before our built-in cabinet which houses our vinyl records. I ran my index finger along the spines of the sleeves of a truly fabulous record collection until I stopped on the "S"es. The only Bob Seger record I saw was one of The Bob Seger System variety and not of the latter day Bob Seger and The Silver Bullet Band. Hmmm. Where could my record be?
I had a suspicion--given Bob Seger and The Silver Bullet Band is not considered to be as tragically hip as The Bob Seger System--that my record was being housed in a location that was not in plain sight. You know, in the event that someone comes to visit, happens to study the record collection and--gasp!--discovers that Jack isn't cool because he has a Bob Seger record post 1969! The horror! I eventually located the record in our version of a cut-out bin, along with a bunch of demos from fledgling bands given to Jack (who would give them to me and say, "Do whatever it is that we do with these.") and a Christmas compilation that contained my favorite Christmas song, "Holly Jolly Christmas", but not sung by Burl Ives so Jack said that I couldn't play it in the house.
I was so excited! I planned to drink some wine, smoke some cigs and listen to "Still The Same" over and over again. I would lift the needle, drop the needle, listen and repeat. I pulled my vinyl goodness out of the slightly tattered sleeve and began to place the black circle on the turntable when I noticed a deep gash etched through the entire first song. The first song being "Still The Same". My blood boiled. My nostrils flared. My day was ruined.
I projected my voice from the bottom of the stairs, "Jaaaaaccckkk!"
Jack: (Walks downstairs) What?
Me: What the fuck happened to my Bob Seger record?
Jack: (Grins) Ha! I did that.
Me: What? Why?
Jack: I hate that song so I took a fork to it while you were at work yesterday.
Me: A fucking fork?
Jack: (Cackles wildly)
I hate Jack.
2 hours ago
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In other news, Menver here...
ReplyDeleteI had a dream about Jack last night!! It was weird. He looked all haggard and old, and I had run into him somewhere. I think we were at a house party. I remember thinking, dans le rêve, that it was odd he was there.
Anyway, merry x-mas, and love that baby Heh-zoos!
F U Jack
ReplyDelete@Menver: I'm so sorry you had to experience the nightmare of Jack haunting your dreams. It's happened to me countless times. Many people have given me accounts of their dreams about Jack. Jack is usually physically unappealing or the dreamer has punched or stabbed Jack--it's never a good dream. My mom had a dream that she saw Jack and he was bloated and losing his hair. (Please come true)
ReplyDeleteOh, and, Happy Christmas to you!
that's pretty mean what he did, but it's pretty fucking hilarious. i dipped my ex's toothbrush in the toilet - i think that is worse. and funnier.
ReplyDeletei mean i dipped his toofbrush in da toilet why we was still to'getha. and i watched him after he used it. truth be told, he is in KCDC and i just might go see him on that jesus day. thing is, is that we both neither do the jesus thing. i called KCDC and asked them if it was busy on christmas, an the lady didn't have much to say. i want to kill her, and a lot of other people too.
ReplyDeleteHappy burfday.
ReplyDelete@most recent anonymous: You're a day late.
ReplyDeleteAnd Jack, if you are out there, and I know you are, I hope you had a shitty fucking birthday. Fuck you.