All correct respondents will be added to a drawing for a chance to win 0-2 Raconteurs' 7" vinyl records. These records were pressed before one had to break the record before listening, are not edible, are only one color and do not contain a golden ticket to visit a glorified merch booth. In other words, they are super rare, but probably not valuable. Good luck!!! (It's ultra easy, considering I was too lazy to change the pronouns and all.)
![]() |
| Defendant A |
![]() |
| Defendant B (on the Left) |
![]() |
| Defendant C |
Affidavit A
The Defendant was stopped for speeding (40 MPH in a 30 MPH zone, citation #J-216065). As I was attempting to stop him I noticed that he was slow to stop and when he did stop, partially in the parking lot of Rainbow Fashions, he stopped with the left side of his vehicle on the fog line. I approached the passenger side of the vehicle and explained to him why I had stopped him and asked him for his Driver License and Proof of Insurance. As I spoke to him I noticed that his eyes were bloodshot and his speech was slurred. I asked him if he had been drinking and he advised me that he "had a couple of drinks". I then asked him to step out of the vehicle and step over into the parking lot. I then performed the Horizontal Gaze Nystagmus on him. He showed the maximum number of clues in each eye. I then gave him the instructions for the Walk and Turn. After I finished he stated "just give me the breath test" and began to walk away toward my vehicle. I then advised him that he was under arrest for Driving Under the Influence. He consented to a breath test and registered .14% B.A.C.
Affidavit B
Police initially observed the Defendant walking southbound on 16th St toward Woodland St. He stumbled into the street several times seemed to be unable to walk in a straight path. He was stopped at 16th and Woodland after he was observed stumbling into a building located at the intersection. When police approached, it was observed the Defendant had an extreme odor of alcoholic beverage from his person, so strong it could be detected from 3 feet away. The Defendant had red and watery eyes and was very unsteady on his feet. As police spoke with him, he was very rude and uncooperative. He was asked where he had been drinking and he stated, “At your house.” He was then asked how many drinks he had consumed and he stated, “0 to 2.” It was apparent his level of intoxication was so high that he was a danger to himself and was too impaired to be left on his own.
Affidavit C
The Defendant was a passenger in a car where the driver was arrested for Driving Under the Influence. I asked the defendant to step out of the car and show identification. I observed the heavy odor of alcohol on and about her person. I asked her how the vehicle she was a passenger in was wrecked and she said, "I did it!" I asked her how many drinks she had and she stated "Zero". She then focused her attention to the driver of the car who was about to submit to the Breathalyzer. She yelled, "Don't do it! Don't take the test!" and began to interfere with a police investigation. I advised her that she would be put under arrest if she continued to behave in a disorderly manner. She responded with, "Arrest me! Arrest me!" I placed the defendant under arrest and she continued to yell and scream and argue with police. She stated, "You can't arrest me! I am a juror! I serve on jury duty and we try cases like this. This is a violation of my civil liberties!"




def c af a
ReplyDeletedef a af b
def b af c
i'm a juror too!
Just based on the pictures, I'm guessing:
ReplyDeleteA) Protesting Without a Permit
B) Lewd and Lascivious Conduct
C) Serial Molestation of a Child Under 13
im surprised cops know how to say, "Nystagmus".
ReplyDeleteThis is really fucking funny. I know the right answers, but I don't want a Raconteurs record. Especially if it is that Kid Rock rip-off song from their second album. The second album sucked.
ReplyDeleteAffidavit B is really, really, really funny to me and I honestly hope that the defendant doesn't get mad at me for posting it. I'm not sure if he even reads the blog. If you are out there, defendant belonging to Affidavit B, I didn't post the account of your arrest to be malicious. If it upsets you, I will take it down. You are a nice person...but come on, this is some hilarious stuff. Thank you for the laugh!
ReplyDeletei fucking dont either, sfp. im still druunnnkkk,want a racoon record, or more police records
ReplyDeleteI love everything about this.
ReplyDeleteOne of my favorite things to tell guys on the second date is that I looked them up on jailtracker and yes I judged them by their mug shot.
@captainchaos: I cannot tell you how happy I am that my mugshot is not on Jailtracker. Nearly everyone I know in Nati/NKY is on there. I don't know what that says about me and the trash with whom I associate, but it's true.
ReplyDelete