Dear Charlie Sheen,
I have followed your A-list career for some time now, and subsequently your personal antics via the national news. I realize that you are a very busy man, so I will skip the flowery language here and cut to the chase. I am writing to express interest in applying for a short term, um, position with your firm. I hear that you are almost always hiring. I like to party. You like to party. I like precious monies. You have precious monies. Therefore, I think that together we have the potential to have a successful business relationship, albeit for one night.
I am a petite blonde with size 36D natural breasts. I'm told I have a very pretty face. Click here for recent, PG photos I am not very sexually experienced, but--after years spent in the theatre (hello, role play!)--I can take direction very well. I'm of above average intelligence and hold my drugs and alcohol well, so I can conduct an articulate conversation with police officers if necessary. I am not impressed by fame, but I am impressed with fortune!! Hence, I can be trusted to keep my fucking mouth shut re: any and all details of my employment. My availability is flexible, a moment's notice, for I have easy access to travel by plane.
If you are interested in further pursuing my candidacy, please contact me at bluevelvetsfp@gmail.com.
I ain't gay, but I'd stay in a closet for you...if you know what I mean.
Kind Regards and (Maybe More),
Blue Velvet
2 hours ago
Posts
Confidential to everyone but Charlie "Sheen" Estevez: Blue Velvet cannot actually hold her alcohol well.
ReplyDeleteI can hold it well enough to talk to the po po!!
ReplyDeleteWe all know how well you "hold it" when a cop pulls you over!
ReplyDeleteOkay, that was ONE incident and I was defending a cause: civil liberties. I'm sure Charlie Sheen has plenty of monies to purchase me and some civil liberties for the evening.
ReplyDeleteYou should probably just give ole Charlie a call and yell at him that you're a juror. He HAS to do whatever you say then. Them's the rules.
ReplyDelete