Advice to A Lazy, Insecure Girl

Dear Blue Velvet,

I recently gained ten pounds and my boyfriend of three years has suggested that I am too chubby.  I still wear the same size and I'm comfortable at this weight.  That said, I am scared he will break up with me if I don't lose the weight I gained.  I hate dieting and exercise!  What should I do?

Signed,
Lazy and Loving It

Dear Lazy,

I am so over getting these stupid fucking emails from insecure girls who are afraid their boyfriends will break up with them.  If your boyfriend breaks up with you, it is not because you gained ten pounds.  It is because he doesn't love you.  When my boyfriend broke up with me he told me he never loved me and that he used me for free housing.  When he no longer required a free place to live, over ten years later, he left me for a plump and homely groupie. 

I was completely baffled at his choice in a partner.  I've chronicled his obsession with being thin and his obsession with me being thin on this blog in the past.  He forced me to diet for almost the entirety of our relationship.  He would make negative comments about my stomach and suggest wear longer skirts to cover up my supposedly fat thighs.  I thought about food and eating and not eating all the time.  I was a size 2 or 4, but it was never good enough, never small enough for him.  I was in perpetual fear that he would leave me for someone thinner. (After we broke up, I stopped dieting and fasting and haven't been above a size 2.)

The first time I saw his hag in the ample flesh, I'm certain I couldn't hide my astonishment.  I heard from others that she was overweight, but nothing could have prepared me for this.  Her ass was as wide as she is tall, which is about four feet.  I made note that she was wearing a long, ugly, granny skirt.  I was certain he put her on a (clearly unsuccessful) diet.  I wondered what sort of diet?  I'm no longer privy to the latest dieting trends because I am never required  to be on one again. 

Then I had an epiphany.  He was never concerned with my weight or size at all.  He used a minor insecurity that most girls have in their early 20s as a tool to mind fuck me for years and years.  All so he would not have to get a real job and pay his own bills.  He was instrumental in destroying my once healthy self-esteem.  He morphed me from a girl who was significantly out of his league in terms of physical attractiveness, intelligence and station in life,  to one who felt she couldn't do any better than a penniless, alcoholic bass player.

Lazy, BREAK UP WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND IMMEDIATELY and never look back.  Try not to gain any more weight because no one likes fat people. 

Love,
BV